Mary’s Gift

Sometimes I wonder, when Mary was making bread, doing mom stuff and chasing a 5-year-old Jesus around, did she ever doubt that the divine and miraculous really happened or if she made it all up? I wonder if in the 30 years leading up to Jesus beginning his public ministry if Mary questioned the calling on her life. And I wonder, have you?

Imagine, a God written miraculous calling straight from Heaven that was to give life and hope to all people. I can only imagine how both terrified and honored young Mary felt at the same time. For nine months she carried this treasure close to her heart: Mary and the Lord of all creation intertwined in a miracle that only the two of them truly understood. For most others, her journey appeared on the outside like that of any other young pregnant mother.

But she knew.

Yes, Mary absolutely knew. She knew that what was spoken over her and the child within her would change everything. She knew that the gift inside of her would never just be her child, but for the salvation of the world. I wonder if she wept at the idea of giving up this treasure to everyone. I think I might want to hold on just a little longer and keep the secret inside of me. Keep the precious moments of intimacy with Jesus for myself. I imagine as he grew, she became increasingly aware the divine was not hers to hold on to. But I wouldn’t blame her for wanting to keep the God-treasure to herself for just a little longer. I wouldn’t judge her for being afraid to release this divine gift into the world for others to misunderstand and eventually batter. I would understand if Mary doubted that the calling she first heard from God on those glory-filled evenings, were anything more than a vivid imagination and a desperate longing to be near the Holy One.

We need those moments of glory we can look back on when we doubt if it was all real. We need them in order to be reminded that the ideas God is birthing inside of us are for more than just our joy, but for the restoration of the world to Him. We need these stories so that we don’t give up. I’m sure Mary had moments during those toddler years. I bet every now and then she questioned God on the expectations she might have felt in raising the son of God. I’m guessing the perks that came with her calling looked less like certainty and luxury (Luke 2:24 says they qualified to give two doves as an offering as they were too poor to afford a lamb) but more like deep peace and faith (however, likely a phenomenal health care plan ;) ). Sometimes we long to go back to when it all felt so miraculous and intimate. Sometimes we long to bring it back to the simple beginnings when we couldn’t take a single step of faith without the strength of the Lord. Those seasons are messy and draining but sweet in the best ways. Mary found herself completely exhausted and pregnant while Joseph tirelessly knocked on door after door that was shut to them. God’s plan involved something probably far less royal than they might have expected for the King of Kings. The humble beginnings God provided were rich with intimacy, beautifully authentic followers, and the quiet secrecy of what was yet to come. Some of you might find yourself in a similar place right now, and if so- delight in it.

You hold within you the holy miracles of Christ. You knock on doors and wonder when one will open for you. You birth them in faith and release them to the world, sometimes never seeing the impact they will make. You foster and nurture the call on your life, struggling in the mundane moments of doubt and uncertainty, and yet still faithfully choose to keep going- because birth is simply the first step. You rely on the guidance of the Holy Spirit with sometimes only the hope of “one day”. And you, my friend, are in good company.

“For unto US a child is born. Unto US a son is given. And the government will be on His shoulders, and He will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

-Isaiah 9:6

God’s gift wasn’t just for Mary. It was for all of us, He just let Mary birth it. I know it’s hard, but thank you for birthing, caring for, and eventually letting go of the beautiful gift God has placed in you.

Merry Christmas

Fuel letter written by Ashley Rogers from Created